We Bumped

So I feel like I need to write this down I know it has been forever since I updated the blog. Last sunday we were invited to tube the river near our house with Austin's brother and sister's families.  We go get us a double tube cause we have two small children than need to ride with us.  As we are putting in I grab my life jacket then put it back down thinking Naaa we got that huge tube nothing is gonna tip that over.  We come around the corner to the rapid part of the bear river and Dayne is on our tube with us. He is sitting next to me and had fallen asleep way upstream. The rapids start splashing him a bit and wake him up. I felt like he needed to sit on my lap for the rapid part so I move him onto my lap. At this point we are still attached to the other families tubes. We come upon a rock that will pop Kalie's tube if I don't let go of her. So I let go. We coast way ahead of the others and Austin begins talking about holding us up on a rock to wait for them, so he tried once and it was too swift. Next thing he is paddling like crazy and silly me i'm thinking ow he is gonna land us right on the pillar of that bridge so we can wait for the others.  And thats exactly what we did Except for the waiting part..... yeah when you hit "the wall" It doesn't just stop you it flips you over and in our case we hit it on the front of our tube and the water tipped us over backwards.  Some how I managed to grab the tube and Dayne. No lifejacket so I am bobbing/ drowning, contemplating whether I should let go of Dayne or not cause he has a lifejacket on and i feel like i'm holding him down.  While thinking I knew I should not have done this on a sunday....

am I gonna drown? Am I such a horrible mother letting this happen to my child? It is really amazing in the short amount of time that it happened all the things that ran through my head.
I must have been under water the length of the bridge cause when I could finally touch and get my footing we were on the other side and Austin was standing there like a rock holding the tube.  He took Dayne from me while I flipped the tube over so we could get back in. The first words spoke when we were all ok and back in the tube were from Dayne "MOM That wasn't even Fun I don't like to Bump"  but he never did cry, I think he was to shocked.  He must have thought that that bumping and flipping was part of the plan.  I am just so thankful that we are all ok. I have rafted that river many times when I was younger on a much bigger raft and always thought the swirls and ripples right there by the bridge look so dangerous that if someone ever got in them they would surely DIE!!!  Well needless to say I will never tube again without a lifejacket a paddle would have been helpful as well,  not sure if I will ever take my babies again:/